Dear Candace,
I just saw you on E Entertainment! I loved your honesty and bluntness when it comes to the pitfalls of dating. You mentioned in your book your feelings on long distance dating. Recently, I met someone who I think is amazing online. The problem is he lives 8 hours away. He just wrote that he would love to fly me in to visit him one weekend. His email was so romantic, as he wrote that he had this particular weekend all planned out, but I am not sure. His picture is so cute, and he seems terribly sweet on the phone. I am afraid of the distance. He is only an eight hour drive away, and it's not like he lives in another country. I really want to meet him! Help, I am hoping you will respond that it's okay to fly out to see him .
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Dear Long Distance Dater:
I commend you on honoring your own internal barometer. The fact that you took the time to write," I am not sure," signals to me that you have an awareness and concern that the distance will take its toll. Give yourself a pat on the back for not jumping into something before examining this closer.
Ask yourself these questions, and as mush as possible be present and connected to your intuition.
Question 1
Do you know where will you stay?
Setting a safety net boundary is paramount! Hearing a sweet voice on the phone is not enough these days, and I would not be ethically responsible if I did not alert you to this fact. Simply turn on the TV and you will hear story after story of attractive, charismatic..... serial killers....all who won over their victims with their sweet charms.
I am not suggesting that you invite negativity into this question, but instead, develop an air that you respect yourself enough to not put yourself into an unknown situation, and that you need to take this slow. Which by the way, leads me to my next question.
Question 2
Are you ready to fast forward a first date to a weekend?
This is tricky . You wrote he had a whole weekend planned, meaning will you be spending the whole day and evening with him ? Can you really be ready for that? How do you know that he is as you wrote, " amazing." Just seeing a picture, and talking on the phone a few times will not truly represent a person in the flesh, and who they are. Only time can do that, and thus, is the crux of long distance dating.
Then there is the other warning flag- you might not feel a connection at all when you meet him. You will then be stuck with this guy, finding to your horror that you have no similarities, same life goals, or worse, that he may look nothing like his picture. Which by the way, happens often in the online world.
What would happen then, and do you have an out, or an emergency planned ahead if he turns out to be Mr Frankenstein after all?
Please know, actions speak louder than kind words via the phone or online. Get to really know this person first, face to face, before you allow yourself to land into a dangerous situation.
Big suggestion here: How about using Skype a few times?
Question 3
Do you have the lifestyle to travel eight hours away to keep the relationship alive?
If you do feel a connection, then sooner or later someone will have to make a sacrifice to move. I believe that love is about compromise, not sacrifice. Unless you are willing, or had plans to relocate already FOR YOURSELF , then may I advise to tread lightly.
If you still choose to give it a try please, make sure to be realistic. Again, I am certainly not trying to blanket out any "dating can be fun" campfires. However, letting fantasies, or wanting to feel connected to someone dissolve safety boundaries can be dangerous.
Know it takes time to really know someone.
Remember, we all are on our best behaviors when we meet someone, and sometimes we get so stuck in the fairytale, that we forget what is the reality of a situation.
Best of luck !
To see my Press Videos, Lecture Reels, Get my book, Be A Dating Dahling, or to Ask a Question Go To:
www.ConnectingSoulToMate.com
Connecting Soul To Mate
I learned long ago that there is truth to the universal law of attraction that states, "That what you feel inside, is exactly what will manifest in your life."
If deeply suppressed feelings of fear, shame, and low self esteem are holding you back from creating the best relationships in your life, or connecting you to inauthentic partners, then this could be the time to reach out for supportive healing and assistance.
Ways to begin the process of emotional repair could be to meditate, journal, discover a support group, seek a compassionate therapist, or even try an innovative technique known as
Core Energetics.
Core Energetics incorporates a holistic approach, as its theory suggests that we are all connected to our inner core, being it the inner psyche, as well as the body. Our bodies hold many emotional scars that we sometimes never realize how on an unconscious level, mold into our everyday lives, and most importantly, through our choices in relationships.
I had heard the buzz about this therapeutic technique, and was intrigued to find out more. I set up an interview with Cindy Michel, a certified Core Energetics Practitioner since 2004, who also holds a MA in clinical psychology from Antioch University.
At first, I had no idea what to expect. The only experience I possessed with body therapy was with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, (CBT) which used breathing exercises, and a deep muscle technique known as Progressive Relaxation to decrease anxiety. However, when Cindy greeted me with a big smile, welcoming me into her large, inviting office, I was immediately drawn to her incredibly direct, yet soothing energy. As I began to relax on the couch, Cindy suggested that I use this interview as a session for myself.
After accepting her offer, Cindy then inquired what I wished to accomplish in our time together, and what did I feel were my possible obstacles. By bringing forth my skewed thoughts that said,
"I was too old," or "If I failed then I would die," I was able to define how these statements controlled my actions.
Cindy then explained how to rework my thought distortions that were not based in truth nor reality. Bottom line, I would not actually die by trying again, nor was I past an age to continue to dream either!
Soon after, Cindy then had me stand, and proceeded to give me a tennis racket to hit a large, padded box . Cindy suggested that as I hit the box, I focus on rewording my dysfunctional thoughts. She also suggested that I get in touch with my feelings of anger, shame, and defeat. Here I was allowed in a safe space, to use whatever physical force I needed to process these feelings, not only in mind, but in body and spirit as well.
I wont lie, I felt darn silly hitting that box. Cindy noted that was a typical response, but that I could channel my nervousness to concentrate on how my body was responding. I certainly had a good sweat swinging at the box, and afterwards, Cindy had me move on to use a large body ball. It was while releasing my voice and negative energy on this ball that something clicked immediately. My whole body shook, as if magnetic lightning traveled through my body. It was incredibly liberating to let go, and not have to apologize for using what I like to describe as "choice curse words" to release my anger.
Cindy later explained that by the act of doing these core energetic exercises, one could release old suppressed feelings, so that the brain may then be free to reinforce positive thoughts to make action happen. Very similar to that old saying, "Think and so you shall be." Shakespeare, by all means made a lovely verse, but if your brain is filled with negative, dysfunctional thoughts, such as "I am not worthy, or I will never find someone, or I cannot trust and surrender to a relationship," then your brain will surely continue its old pattern of producing self proclaiming prophecies to sabotage any relationship.
Like cluttered junk, these thoughts fester and build over time. Core Energetics assists in clearing out the clutter. It is only after this removal that one may reboot the brain to a more balanced state.
Needless to say, I finished the session feeling exhausted, but surprisingly exhilarated. Most of all, I left having a sense of peace that I had done some real spring cleaning of the soul, mind, and body to reach some solutions.
If you would like to read more about Cindy Michel, her individual practice, or her Core Energetics seminars please go to:
www.cindymichel.com
cindy@cindymichel.com
310 597 2723
As I am always involved in ways to create therapeutic solutions to help others, if you have referrals, please visit my email or website at
cdmcraft@aol.com
www.ConnectingSoulTo Mate.com
Dating Faux Pas
Candace Mckenzie
If you had the opportunity to see me on MTV's, G's To Gents, then you know my feelings on the subject of cellphone use. However, if you missed the show, then here is the quick, but important recap.
Singles Beware!
Cellphone and texting abuse on a date is my Number One , most offensive, dating faux pas!
Cellphones are an important part of our busy lives now. However, I feel that there may be no reason for you to not give your full, undivided attention to your date.
Now of course, there could be emergencies....
But unless you are an ER doctor, or a parent waiting to hear from your child, there may be NO excuse for you to be constantly looking at your phone! It's so distracting, and frankly in bad taste.
This also goes for wearing those ridiculous blue tooths while on a date. Please kindly take them off . (I seriously once had a man wear it for our entire dinner date, and I ended up feeling like I was playing a game of Space Cadets in a sand box.)
Option note here, if you must take a call or return a text for an emergency, kindly let your date know that by saying, "I wanted to apologize upfront that I may have to take this call. I know it's rude, but I will make it quick. After the call, I promise I will turn my phone off to give you my full attention."
Remember, actions speak louder than words, and manners go a long way in the dating world, and if you cannot do your best to invest your fully, focused time to your date, then know you are NOT ready to meet the one.
FYI: This also goes to those Facebook , Twitter, and Instagram addicts- if you want a relationship, then please find a social network, support group!
For More Info Go To My site for Press, Videos and Contact info!
www.ConnectingSoulTo Mate.com
