Getting to The Next Level
If you were unable to view my segment on Hallmark's Home and Family then here is a recap for you.
Feel free to visit my website if you wish to watch the segment on video www.ConnectingSoulToMate.com.
Feel free to visit my website if you wish to watch the segment on video www.ConnectingSoulToMate.com.
As many women feel the pressure after the passing of Valentine’s day, they may race to quickly deliver a dreaded ultimatum. This is all in hopes to get to the next level of either commitment, moving in together, saying “I love you,” or even marriage. Ladies, here are some simple steps you need to be ready to NOT have that desired man- Run For His Life!
Timing Counts
Ready …set …breath! The best time to have ANY heartfelt discussion may not be immediately. That means NOT over several glasses of vino, nor right after watching The Way We Were!
Ask yourself, have you given this relationship time? Remember, the first 3 months of dating are all about meeting a representative if you will. This means, everyone is on a "honeymoon stage," presenting to show their best behaviors.
Ask, is this lust- or could this be the real deal? Do we share the same life values, and how do we communicate together, BEFORE having this important discussion.
Most importantly, investigate the details. Are you having this conversation because you are afraid to be alone, or are you having it as you are filled with happiness?
Ask yourself, have you given this relationship time? Remember, the first 3 months of dating are all about meeting a representative if you will. This means, everyone is on a "honeymoon stage," presenting to show their best behaviors.
Ask, is this lust- or could this be the real deal? Do we share the same life values, and how do we communicate together, BEFORE having this important discussion.
Most importantly, investigate the details. Are you having this conversation because you are afraid to be alone, or are you having it as you are filled with happiness?
Clarify Your Needs Not Your Ultimatums
Nothing makes a man run faster than a woman stating an ultimatum. Just the word sends chills down most men’s spines, and sends them into fantasies of being caged forever in The Dreaded Dude's Pushover Purgatory.
Know, it’s perfectly healthy to set boundaries to your potential partner, but if you can’t clearly identify what changes and needs are most important for the relationship to grow, then moving to next level is a bad idea.
Importantly, if you don't know what you NEED from the relationship, then how can you appropriately express it, and expect your partner to be a mind reader to magically figure it out for you?
Importantly, if you don't know what you NEED from the relationship, then how can you appropriately express it, and expect your partner to be a mind reader to magically figure it out for you?
Calm Communication
Listen- no really listen. Don't interrupt, and try to focus on what your partner is saying, rather than formulating your own responses.
Breath. Nothing is worse than scaring a guy off with loaded emotions, or worse trapping them into a promised commitment to appease your tears.
Finally, stay true to your goals. Let them know that you value their feelings, and where they are at in their life now, but you must do what is right for you.
Stay Positive
Setting any ultimatum sends a message that the other person must inevitably sacrifice something, but if instead, you set clear, positive boundaries that state your essential needs for your life goals, ( i.e. "I have needs to be married," or "I have needs to have an exclusive relationship," or "I have needs to have a baby") then this sets a more positive tone for your discussion. Nothing is worse than making the "YOU should" statements (i.e. "YOU should" marry me, or "YOU should" not got out with other people, or "YOU should" tell me you love me.)
Setting any ultimatum sends a message that the other person must inevitably sacrifice something, but if instead, you set clear, positive boundaries that state your essential needs for your life goals, ( i.e. "I have needs to be married," or "I have needs to have an exclusive relationship," or "I have needs to have a baby") then this sets a more positive tone for your discussion. Nothing is worse than making the "YOU should" statements (i.e. "YOU should" marry me, or "YOU should" not got out with other people, or "YOU should" tell me you love me.)
Release Expectations
Be open and prepared for not getting the answer you had hoped for. Why? We can only control our OWN actions, and getting locked into changing another person is self destructive in every way.
Practice how you would agree to disagree, calmly ( without crashing a beer mug on his head) if you don’t get what you need, and think of how you would wish this person well, yet still state your boundaries.
Remember, just continuing a cycle of repeated fights and disagreements to hopefully get what you desire will only prolong the inevitable- it just wasn't meant to be.
Realize, you did your best and stated your needs. If that person is excited as you are to move to the next level, then wonderful!
If not, then know you did all you could do, and move on to the partner you were meant to be with.
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